Not allowing someone familiar to touch me just because I’ve had it happen to me before and survived. And maybe that’s ok. And maybe it’s not. We ask you to keep your comments relevant and respectful. Why am I? I ask this of my readers because this situation recently smacked me right in the heart. I cry hardcore real tears for every black man added to too long a list Read Epilogue from the story Bad For You by justcallmecai (Captain C) with 18,058 reads. "Let's ask the nurses outside.". This was my second bout of major depression. Wheat allergy. How my mind has one goal And it’s to feel again But At Nighttime. But INSTEAD, this person who is supposed to influence young minds in a positive way, had someone at her job actually write, “return to sender,” and refused the mail. He Said That He Would Heal Me But He Only Gave Me Problems. I see mine too (He’s actually just a really great dentist with a really great staff.) Then Mac needed to find her. And oh, so much blood. Dead men tell no tales — and neither do I. I’m dead. I could be imagining it, but I think he enjoys spending as much time with me as I do with him — and talking to me as much as I do with him. Tell me what the Hell do you know? To decide where they are going to shop, what they’re gonna eat, what movies they are going to watch, everything they ingest.”, “Okay. "I'm just scared..." I told him. I have the best fucking music to listen to and get me through. I’m observant, and angry, and tired of people ignoring them stocking shelves I’m just calling out the one person that I Know for a fact toLd her about anything I’ve written in the past, to not be a shit friend.It’s not your place.Leave it alone.Or be a shitty person who wasn’t raised well. I acted out because I’m hurt. A pharmacy in the town I thought she lived in. This thing makes my heart ache, and my stomach queasy. I pick away so you can’t see me — melting blood And they’re both beautiful. The sister I’ve mourned — is the outcast. But for ME, it was always great. I can picture it now, “just don’t give me anything from this address or name ever again…! #academy Morally, I’m fine with her reading it. But a Storm’s coming bitches I’m VERY much kidding. Like he would be my 2.0. Just know in most ways this is really about me, You’re beautiful Then. I hope you will follow my playlists and you enjoy them. Now where’s my whiskey? Totally normal thing for her to get him, right? Hold your head up and be strong Just say you won’t let go, I’ll wake you up with some breakfast in bed Pero unti-unti rin napawi iyon nang maalala ang lahat ng nangyari. Your garden is doing great, Pidgey. And they do convey a lot of emotion about the entire process. So I’m just making the playlist public now and if you don’t already follow me — “taconika” — the name from which this blog was created, is a good place to start. Before you start worrying that you may have celiac disease, only 0.5%-1.1% of the worlds population suffer from it . You tell me hold your head up I don’t believe in astrology, but if I did, I would say that as a Gemini, I burn bridges as fast as I make someone feel so special to me it scares me, and I imagine scares them, and typically end up ghosting friends, people who I considered family, AND, actual family. ♥️✌✌✌✌✌, Watch “2Pac – Changes (Official Music Video) ft. Talent” on YouTube, Editor’s Note: This came to me out of nowhere tonight. How could you talk? JUST to throw this out there — if you think you’re uncomfortable — imagine what it could be like caged into those thoughts, with them, forever. Insane rights laws and freedoms unopposed What I’ve done wrong before, I’m mesmerized But you’d never know And I know she can’t even pretend that’s not the case because she won’t acknowledge me. (<— All thoughts which I welcome, absorb, and shoulder, by the way.). ‘Cause I’m stronger than I was — Eminem. And I woke up in my childhood bed — wishing I was someone else — feeling sorry for myself — When I remembered someone’s kid is dead. (I suppose we all sort of do the first thing — but I REALLY refused to answer any questions about my private life in the places I worked, and it drove my bosses crazy.). Have no vote to choose I am back to the Pedialyte diet. Even the dogs in the street knew that I worked far too hard. "I thought I'd lose you. And I wanna stay with you until we’re grey and old "Maka-assumera naman." But. What you are doing to someone who always supported you and your husband in the past when I could have chosen to be selfish and not supportive. 2. — or old habits ), because she was at work. Which is why I think she thinks she has more emotional intelligence than me. He has an addictive and cumulative smile. It’s not that I don’t agree, it’s just not something I think anyone should say to anyone else, and certainly not a parent to a very ill, unable to exercise for 4+ medical reasons, hates herself because of all of this, and would rather never eat again than have someone say that about her, meanwhile being always ashamed that she even fucking cares that ANYONE calls her fat because she doesn’t value that — and I personally would NEVER fucking judge ANYONE for such a reason. aniya at ibinaon ang mukha sa leeg ko. And last night I blacked out in my car. ! “Some people got the real problems. I was the best. I can’t ignore I see the opposite. For making you cry Oh, um, soooooooooo, also, at present, my sister is absolutely out of my life, I’m told. Again, as I’ve said on my blog many times before, I come here to write my truth, with hopes that someone who might read it can relate and not feel so alone. I admire her because she makes it EXACTLY as much of everyone’s business as she feels she should. (That wasn’t a question.). And, the great thing about me is that I am able to be honest with my friends because I value them, and I would not lie to them initially just to throw the withheld information which happens to be hurtful in nature back at them later merely because I’m being called out on my poor decision making. Ni hindi ako makapagsalitqa. And I can admit when I’m wrong. I HAVE NOT ENOUGH women in my life who have made it known that they don’t care if I’m dead let alone want me dead at the moment. And maybe EVERYONE supports her in real life. (For the record, my Mom has advised me that she disagrees with the sentiment I express in that prior sentence.) I have so much anger and love and hatred and compassion and unfortunate energy and hostile buildup and brokenness and wanting to be the best for others and regret and confusion and wanting to freak the fuck out on fucking everything and everyone everyday. And I’mma still be humble when I scream “FUCK YOU” For a minute, I forget that I’m older Hindi ko na alam kung paano pa itutuloy. Remember the Godmother [the one my Mom supported my Dad in choosing for me] who disowned me this year? My first rapist didn’t make me a survivor. I’d let you ask him if you could. Or do I just have really really really shitty friends. Half of my life ago! I don’t feel like we’ve come that far. I’m tired of feeling everything I feel in any kind of way. Images so real I taste them Just say you won’t let go Because the people who give money were unhappy. But I keep telling myself, “hey, it’s NOT YOUR choice.”. I’ve ALWAYS wanted this to be an honest and raw space where I share my feelings and am open to accepting yours. Since I’ve been making incredible progress in treatment — according to my Counselor/DBT Therapist, I’ve been evaluating my VALUES. She slapped me in the face — I think because I embarrassed her, very sincerely unintentionally — but I can’t continue living in good conscience knowing I didn’t at least try. And it’s on a permanent basis, I’m told. Look at me, it obviously didn’t require finesse So I guess that means cutting down my emotional availability (because I’m SO in demand already !!!!!) Speaking of fucking awesome things, my Mom surprised me with a new Xbox One the other day! I was taught that it matters how you treat not just your friends, or the people you thought were you friends, but, anyone. Bad For You 650K Reads 32.8K Votes 44 Part Story. And I hope you know The leading source for getting all of your 'is it bad for you' questions answered, backed by our team of Board Certified medical doctors & nutritionists. I was like a FRECKLE?! Um, so yeah. Editorial response to an anonymous query: Yes, my Mom knows about this post, and yes, I did read it to her. This conversation is over.”, “I—it…it concentrated me…to the exclusion of everything else.”, “The world has just become…so inhuman. You’re amazing. You make me feel this way somehow, I’m so in love with you We live in an increasingly unhealthy world. They’re the ones in uniform firing bullets again I’ll use emotional and physical protection. "Hindi dapat kita iniwan. I’m just a pissed off white girl who fucking LOVED NFL football UNTIL the NFL does what IT HAS ALWAYS done: the NFL used oppression to shut something as important as viewers’ ability to watch the Star Spangled Banner down. With You I’m A Beautiful Mess. Two: Invite Him In. Mac said and held me tighter. It often depends on how often I kick his ass in Mortal Kombat. I’m not going down whatever path you’re pulling me toward. I could include an infinite amount of other betrayals, things I felt were horrible which caused me to occasionally break down and need someone driving me to lean on friends I’ve never heard from again. Check your government’s website to confirm. As much as I DON’T care how you judge me, I DO care about my story being told in my own words so that when you INEVITABLY juxtapose your life choices against mine — you’ll be able to grapple with ALL of the facts and information I can possibly provide. IT’S NOT RIGHT and No men except for my my Brother. Tell me “go fuck yourself” if you’re mad. I’m compelled to add the second statement above due to some truly ugly oppressive posts I’ve seen so far this month. My sister gave it to him. So many of us trying and frying and dying Head shoulders knees and toes And mean. But I have a crush! He’s the dead character I’m mourning. By justcallmecai Completed. Within two years of each other. Another day on those shenanigans.). Finally it’s just you and me till we’re grey and old Whatever anyone thinks about me writing the truth about this, I’ll say once again that I’ve promised to tell the truth here, in this blog. All it takes is a random hello I bet they go through it every day "Just a little scratch so no one will suspect her." Stupidly, arrogantly content. But I also feel like there are people all along the spectrum, so in that sense, I feel like I e would be more bisexual or just, you know, open-ended.”. The cards came back to me, unopened. Why is sugar bad for you Do you think that you should change your diet no i dont think I should because At least consciously. I’m SO against drawing lines, going so far as to say the LGBTQIA++ community is attempting to hijack the Black Lives Matter movement. Everyone’s plugged in. A minor thing does make a difference, I’m not special Remember, I could NOT send these to her home address — since she doesn’t want me to know where she lives, though, don’t forget I actually do AND it IS because of HER, ironically. PARTICULARLY in school, the progression of my learning about sex went like this: 1. Who goes out of his way to be around me. I’ve lost too many people to ACTUAL death — I just can’t deal with those still alive who decide to act dead to me. Motivated buyer and motivated seller. And yeah, that’s a challenge and I’m callin’ you out By way of background…”Old Tim” was my college boyfriend who I was very in love with and who I was silly enough and young enough and not yet nearly ME enough when we were together to understand we wouldn’t be together forever or get married. That’s awful and I just thought of it right now. who question her sexuality as if it’s any of their business. BELIEVE THAT. Her birthday is April 3rd. A place that used to be coveted I know two very amazing friends who died way too young. I’m tired of not watching “Shark Tank” with him and having him research what was going on with every single business that appeared on the show to see where they are now. Pork is one of the most commonly consumed meats in the world, but it may also be the most harmful. But, yeah, anyway, I want to scream at my friends, (gay ex-boyfriend/soulmate included), “I’M STILL FUCKING ALIVE, SO SINCE YOU CAN UPDATE FACEBOOK, GO ON INSTAGRAM, TWEET, SEND MASS EMAILS, OR SNAPCHAT, then you can text me back!!!!!!!!!!!”. With any allergy the symptoms will vary from person to person. Until cops stop murdering black men on what feels like a daily basis I’m a writer. I wanna dance with you right now Some people out of luck. That’s the endgame with ALL of my writing. Refilling these. Did you see the person who shot you?" He would die 17 days later. My now “I’m dead to her” SISTER — COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER. His words are still in my head. Because he/she might be gone for good tomorrow. Stream Bad For You Ft. Gusto Kalel by huntermoramusic from desktop or your mobile device. Refilling these. I Been Sober Since You Broke My Heart In Two. THIS…is a REALLY painful week for me. Comments may take up to an hour for moderation before appearing on the site. Anyway — in order to send this card I wrote — I jokingly asked my Mom if my sister’s address was the same or if she had moved for like the 19th time in her life. Pop a joke “The problem — she’s starting to understand — is that a man will never let you fall completely into Hell. I now have a freckle in one of my eyes. Blue lines paid for by cities who support those opposin’ And I’m accepting and owning that shit twenty-four seven. I may be dead to her, but she’s not to me. How does it feel to know I know I’m not “CRAZY.”. We Gotta Start Makin’ Changes. And I want to fight for change. Literally and quite tragically for me, I realized I was “into” my friend who died September 3, 2019. Oh, and you look as beautiful as ever THEY’RE IMPORTANT TO ME AND THEY WERE WASTED ON HER.EXACTLY LIKE ALL OF THE TIME I WASTED ON HER. Read Prologue from the story Bad For You by justcallmecai (Captain C) with 39,520 reads. They’re all black men working minimum wage and they’re always helping me The symptoms are that of a classic food allergy and may include skin reactions, respiratory tract reactions as well as gastrointestinal reactions. Like their freedom depends on it? I love how much you love food I was raised to make sure anyone I knew who was in bad shape should be cared for and checked in on most — that I should count my Blessings and reflect. Stereotypically, basically everyone who is near my age AND works at Trader Joe’s, woman or man, I find to be fucking sexy as hell. Annnnnnnnnnnnnddddddddddddd some of us make sure we always own a pair of yellow chucks whether we’re in college dating “Old Tim” — or 34 years old. I look him in the eyes every single day. I’ve just started being able to go to Doctors as of last week. I don't wanna burn you no more I'm bad, the gun is stuck to my hand, yeah I'm bad, no one is safe 'Cause I'm bad, the best mistake that you've had Yeah I'm bad, I hope that's okay Sick of my phone screen, yeah These bitches don't know me, yeah I'm missin my homies, bad And I don't got a charger My younger brother told me that I'ma be lonely, yeah to opening my heart. Wanting to step outside of my body galore. It’s 100% her decision. After hearing my Mentor’s comment that I AM. No more needing to connect with someone — anyone — so badly — that I convince myself that my body has been used and abused SO MANY TIMES that I don’t care that it’s my ticket in — the price of admission. I’m just saying they’re not for me. So, one day, last year, on February 14, 2019, (yes, I know, Valentine’s Day ), I wrote. Most importantly — I AM SAFELY UNDER THE CARE OF DOCTORS 24/7 AND HAVE NO INTENTIONS TO HARM MYSELF OR OTHERS. And the things my sister said to me were no exception. I’ve always been terrible at math — something every law professor I ever had made a joke about in at least one lecture during the semester, which I always thought was odd as Hell — but I digress. I’ll bring you coffee with a kiss on your head I’m tired of wanting to tell him so many things all the time but understanding he REALLY doesn’t care about me anymore. I’m proud I cared then. Too many plea bargains keep unfair voting guaranteed I can’t describe what that was like for me, reader, to find this poem that I have no recollection of writing, one I’d written on Valentine’s Day, no less, written 6 months before my friend passed, and found 6 months after. Maybe call that taking him for granted, because maybe I did. There Ain’t Enough Bottles I Could Break To Make Him Feel As Broken As I Do. So I wrote this song for you, now everybody knows Since then I’ve learned how limited these terms are, and how little I understood my own gender identity or sexuality let alone everyone elses.’. I would have classified myself as a “tomboy” back in the day. Bed space holders changing by flow Best Believe I’m Made For Few. But with you maybe I can be comfortable. And as John Wick might say — and I mean this in THE best way — “BE SEEING YOU.”, I’m sorry for how many times I had to tell you “I’m sorry.”. The last time I checked — this site stated about 80,000 people per year died from an alcohol related incident. Don’t ask me to lie, then beg for forgiveness. 0. On someone who might be available! I’m—I am so fucking lonely. On the other hand…the “priest” at that Church is someone I cannot accept. He asked the person to shoot me. I miss my friend from my former Church often, but try to suppress that shit when it comes up because HIS death always makes me cry so hard it’s embarrassing. That’s obvious This most important song in my life was not my every day, before you. I’m trying to explain so others understand. She doesn’t live here anymore but still has annoying places calling the house phone constantly asking for her. Even if I do get hurt by them. Or maybe I just noticed it was happening a couple weeks ago. My Dad loved his children so very fucking much. They get exactly what I want them to and nothing more. If the people who started the movement want to tell me I’m wrong about INCLUSIVITY, I’m all ears. I guess I lost her too. And when I greet these friends everyone around me looks stressed Here are four hidden dangers of pork. saad ko. Obsessed with money. and whenever I’m assuming the perspective of a broken-hearted person, a hopeful person waiting for THE ONE they love to come back, or even worse, a person mourning a dead character — I’ve been mourning my ex of 5 years in the place of the missing character. Every Way I Can Imagine. Although I know what I have to offer So I go in, they hold me and my tongue down for 6 hours at a time, while I can’t move, escape, cry, leave, move, talk, bite, fight back, etc. And I swear that everyday’ll get better I hope we can all reflect on how attacking another equal rights movement hurts everyone in everyday life as well as though each movement. magkasunod na tanong ni Mac. I’m so tired of using (sometimes just the suggestion of) sex as a reason for a guy to like me. But I found it, going through journals, looking for information about a chapter I’m working on for my book. I don’t even remember most of the guys’ names. I can’t think of many more important things than that (or any at this exact moment). I can't tell him that. The good, the bad and the ugly. Lastly, if you’re a friend of mine and reading this, send me a text/message/call, will you? She’s the BEST. . "You scared the shit out of me." Shit happens. KILLED ME. Lies tie us together. The other reflection I have is the picture I have of him from his funeral. What do you know? Here are my findings regarding how people (100% non-judmentally — for real) cope with life and existence in my own personal experiences only: And P.S. Intelligent. I CANNOT think of words that I KNOW when being asked WHATEVER by whatever Doctors I talk to/see. Why wouldn’t I look them in the eye to show respect? Telling myself, “ friend ” of my hands not working making it extremely painful write. Any other reason because quarantine prior posts, music is one of few. Do n't look like you 're okay, Li. hurts everyone in everyday life as I ’ m.. 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